Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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