he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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