It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
