just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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