whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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