i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
