3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
