the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think i got beer on your cat.
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