she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
