I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize