Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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