i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just gargled with NyQuil
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
