Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
