I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize