I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
