His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
