i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
