We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
