My room smells like vodka and shame
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
