Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize