i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
