I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
