i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you never un-have a 4some
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
