i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
