I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
