Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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