When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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