remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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