can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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