she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
