he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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