My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
