I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
In America we eat man semen.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize