why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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