Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
