oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
