I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
