i would punch a child for taco bell
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will be naked everywhere
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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