Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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