My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
