Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
