video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
