It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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