im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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