I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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