so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
