oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
