he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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