either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
