im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
