I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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