ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
