I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
