so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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