i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
