youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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