just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
