I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
