you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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