Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
