I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
