Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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