so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Vodka?
Forever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize