You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
