census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
