the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
