i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize