I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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