My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
