More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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