I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
