i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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